It’s been a while since I’ve done a post, so why not re-introduce myself with the people who should know me best, the ye olde parentals. Some of you know them, some of you don’t. For those of you who don’t, my Dads name is Glenn Kaukau. Yes, just like ‘you go Glenn Coco!” from Mean Girls. Mum used to be a Harold the Giraffe lady (Life Education Trust). They’re been together for over 22 years and now they’re travelling around Europe – reconnecting with the youth they misplaced after giving birth thre miscreants. Before they were my parents, they were a couple of Kapiti Coasters causing trouble and mistaking tea leaves for weed.
What do they think of their trash daughter? Now you can know.
What did you think when I was born?
Mum: Jesusussss I gave birth to the most beautiful buddah
When I was a kid, what did you think I might be when I grew up?
Something with horticulture because you loved daisies
Okay so can you tell who’s answering? (I guessed it was Mum and I was right – Dad would just say I cried all the time)
I did consider something in a strategic field or hygiene because you stacked your teddy’s to escape your cot and you hated dirty nappies. You loved reading from 4 months and knew your first story fluently at 18 months before anyone but Nellz (Sister) or we could understand you.
Next. We’re in Lagos Google it Frecken love this country.
I’ll look it up. Are you surprised with what my career choice has turned out to be (I currently work in Marketing for an accounting company) Why/Why not?
M: Yes because it didn’t exist in your college years and no, because in year 8 (12 years old) you were a whizz with media, winning money for your school and creating the most imaginative and intriguing homework assignments….your teacher in year 8 was a fuck face just saying.
D: No not surprised as we know you have loves as a child but ambition and expression as a young person. If your able to combine work ,interest and expression then that’s good if you find it early.
Did you ever worry about me growing up in regards to my personality or characteristics you could see might be problematic?
M: Nope. You oozed traits of both parental personalities. You were always kind and caring.
What about the mental health stuff though?
D: I only worried you get taken advantage of or hurt or not being able to take advantage of what life has to offer. We blamed Bec (Mum) for that. She was fucked up coz losing her Dad*
You always saw the good in people we felt you needed guidance and protection. Your children are your life source and reason for getting out of bed. Nothing more nothing less.
Mental health stuff is something out of our control. We don’t have a guide on bring up 3 different people with differing ideas and expectations. Also as well maintaining love and respect for our partnership through financial and life issues out of our control.
*Mums dad passed away when she was preggers with me
M: We took you to an iridologist and we’re aware of your sensitivity and ability to empathise from age of 2
Did you ever think I was going to be one of those super kids because of all that stuff?
M: Yeah, but the Plunket nurse used to just say…probably worms.
M: Every parent thinks their babies a super kid no matter what. You will always be
Aw thanks. Did you ever question my sexuality* when I was a kid? Or teen etc
D: No not interested. That’s something people try or find on their own. Not an issue with me. Just like to know I still have my daughter to talk to or be asked questions if I can help.
M: Nope didn’t care. Kauz and and I always questioned each other how would you felt if…….love our babies as long as they are kind, passionate and happy.
I remember being 15 and crying at Mum, telling her how much I loved someone. As a young adult in reflection, I realise that the relationship I was in as a teenager was emotionally abusive and controlling – absolutely unhealthy. How hard was it to navigate that as parents? What advice would you give other parents
D: Very dark time in my life. All life was taken away from us and we felt hopeless as parents. Dark time that shook our relationship as parents and with each other, dark time and still feel it.
Unfortunately as adults and parents we knew and you were vulnerable. You made choices that cannot be judged nor criticised. Abuse is just that and it weaves an evil web. We tried and we thought we could get NZ law, CYF’s and government to help….nope as parents we were had no rights. We were desperate, trying, protective but understood it was your journey
M: You were conflicted because your friends and your own conflicts with fitting in.
You know I had no friends at that time right? I was isolated, people bullied me at school and completely ignored me. Even the ‘friend’ I was staying with used to ignore me at school in front of everyone else, so she wasn’t actually associated with me socially at school.
A little but not really…you shut us out. You isolated your protectors the ones who will always be there. In saying that teenage years are a crazy turmoil. We loved you more and more each day….we will always love you more and more no matter what…you’re a wonderful person always will be no matter what.
How did you feel about me as a teen in my last years of high school? We’re you relieved I seemed somewhat normal again, at least for a little bit? Haha
There is no normal teen. Things change constantly and feelings and attitude to fit in. You were fine, no unexpected decisions made . But what makes us laugh and still does, is the secrets you all seem to think you have and we don’t know of.
I assume you guys know all my secrets. Apart from the first tattoo lol
D: Not all and not interested. We just kept an eye on your welfare and wanted to know you weren’t hurt or taken advantage of within our power.
M: Hmm was hard for me. I was confused and realised then that you had some demons that were a little out of our league as parents. It was hard. Dad and I made the decision to be patient as we did surrender to hormones you refer to it as ‘ spray nd walk away’ that’s how we coped. Some parents split up we chose to stick together because teenagers aren’t real people their aliens possessing beautiful souls for a little while until they get bored. Then one day you get your baby back
I guessed you had a tattoo and questioned you…..you said no….as a parent you know but to be able to function in daily life denial is bliss. As for all your secrets nope ……
What were you worried about most when I moved to Wellington, turned 18 and started navigating ‘adulthood’?
D: As parents we always are watching and learning. Making sure you’re ok and doing alright. This is something that kicks in automatically when you arrive in the world.
M: When you moved to Wellington. I was frustrated for you because we knew you would adapt and grow quickly. Your relationship was youthful, meaningful to you at the time but not the one.
When I told you guys I was pregnant, what were your initial thoughts? And then once those were done, how were you feeling about everything? About me, yourselves, the baby daddy etc
D: First thought-happy, 2nd how and what do you need from us. 3rd -await your decision to see what you are to do about it
M: When you told me you were in hospital with potential emergency surgery I wanted to get to you as quick as possible. When you said you were pregnant I wasn’t phased but wondered how it would affect you. Still worried and freaked out thought you were going to die from ectopic pregnancy. Then thought how ironic timing and similarities of me wanting to travel when I was younger. If you’d kept the baby I would have stayed till baby was 6/12 months old. Excited as was Uncle boyzee (brother). Baby daddy is a good guy freaked me out how similar his reactions were to Dad’s reactions when I fell pregnant with Nellz at 18. Cal was honest and shared thoughts…That’s a positive for Cal. Dad sadly didn’t have anyone to do that with. We genuinely were happy to just be there and listen about your journey, motherhood and plans. A privilege to be by your side thanks bubs xx
In what ways have I surprised you the most throughout my life?
M: Lately you’ve surprised us….we can and have had to really depend on you. It’s been nice because Dad and I haven’t had anyone who’s had our backs. Thank you bubs.
You 3 kids are there for Dad and I it’s really quite special . It’s weird for us the tables are turning as you all get older. Sometimes it felt like we’d never get our Jadey back. Like you felt you couldn’t come to us whenever no matter what.
How do you think I’m going to die?
Only think about you living as parents it’s how it is.
If you could choose the person I end up with, what would they be like?
Passionate, would make you happy just be there for you and make you laugh at yourself and life, bring out the best in you. Nurture and accept your inhibitions, ambitions. Protect you forever and always as we would
What are your thoughts on my blog? Does it annoy you or make you laugh?
Your blog is fine for how you are today for you. It’s obviously what your thoughts are now. Personally I wonder what you’ll think in years to come and to be honest I wonder why you need to share very personal stuff to public forums. I hope it doesn’t judder bump any dreams is all. At the end of the day it’s bits to your journey. …you’re an adult and we all process our shit with different shovels.